Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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