Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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