I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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