seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize