this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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