i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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