Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's never too late to be topless.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
