I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
now i know why i became what i already was.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
