You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
