i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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