You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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