Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
