It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
