Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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