He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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