Who did Billy Mays play for?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
