Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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