Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
