You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
