I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
