Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i think i just naturally attract stoners
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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