I must be too annoying 4 u.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
