My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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