I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
