Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
