So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
