A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Farmville is her only friend.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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