I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
