"it" just moved
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
