Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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