So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
