we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
