OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
