wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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