Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need moral support for this bender
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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