The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
