You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
