I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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