You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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