eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
