I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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