remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
