I'm lost and stupid without you.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
