1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
