i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
