omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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