Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
