maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
do herpes really smell.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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