Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
