I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
