Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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