In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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