marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Please, let me fuck your mom
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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