She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
