She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
