when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
