you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
