She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
