She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
