I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
