we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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