If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
