Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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