She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
